dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
