i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
