On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
