so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
