I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
