he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
