Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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