Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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