I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
