I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
