Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
