I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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