the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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