My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
