Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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