Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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