I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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