I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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