Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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