Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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