Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
