i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
