omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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