I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
