If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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