He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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