Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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