This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
