I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
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Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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