We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
