So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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