Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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