idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
