the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
