ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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