So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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