Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
