Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
