I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
