Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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