Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
