this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
