Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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