I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
