you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
