You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
