evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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