there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
