I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
