we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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