I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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