i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
