like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
