Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
