And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
