oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
