At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
