relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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