So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
