Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
