Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
