i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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