Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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