Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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