false alarm. still invincible.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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