I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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