I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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