I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
