When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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