dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
