my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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