It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
