Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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