Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
