can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
