How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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