Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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